Watching AVPM and AVPS
by HermioneGranger919
Summary: I thought of this idea while watching the Starkid musicals "A Very Potter Musical" and "A Very Potter Sequel". I wondered how the characters would react to the musicals, so I'm writing this! T for language. And like all my other stories, this is R/Hr
1. Prologue

**Hi everybody! This is my first parody story. LOVE A Very Potter Musical and A Very Potter Sequel! Starkid is AMAZING. Sooo I decided to write a story about how the cast would react to it. Like all my other stories, this one's Romione.**

**DISCLAIMER- I do not own the characters or anything from the script of A Very Potter Musical. All rights to JK Rowling and Team Starkid**

**Set 6th year. Ron and Lavender are dating but it's to the point that he's tired of her.**

**Prologue**

"Harry. Harry wake up. HARRY!"

Harry sat bolt upright in bed, then looked around. Ron was next to his bed.

"Ron! It's 2 am! What is it?" Harry asked, reaching for his glasses.

"Look!" Ron said, pointing at the floor.

Harry followed his gaze to a spot on the floor. It seemed to be glowing...slowly getting bigger...and bigger...and...

WHOOSH! Harry wasn't in the boys dormitory anymore. He was in a room he didn't recognize. It was big, with chairs and tables, a big screen on a wall, but there weren't any doors. When he turned around, he saw Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and... _Lavender Brown?_

Hermione was sitting on the floor, rubbing her head. Must've been a bad landing. Ron looked at him, unsure of what to do. Harry quickly looked at Hermione, then back at him. Ron nodded and helped her up.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just a bit dizzy."

Ron let go of her and she started to fall. Ron caught her and looked her in the eyes. They were off-center and dazed.

"Why is the room spinning? And why are there three of you?" she asked, obviously out of it.

"Alright, Hermione. Let's go sit down." Ron said, guiding her over to a couch.

Harry looked at the others. Neville and Ginny looked confused, and Lavender was watching Ron and Hermione angrily.

Suddenly, smoke clouded into the room. When it cleared, Cho Chang stood there, looking about the room. Her eyes met Harry's after a moment.

"Harry what are we doing here?" she asked, walking over to him.

"No idea. But I think we'll find out soon enough."

Another cloud of smoke. Draco Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle stepped out from behind it.

"Ugh. Potter's here. I'm leaving." Draco said, walking away.

"There's no way out, Malfoy." Harry said.

"So I'm stuck here with all of _you_?" he asked, his eyes looking around at all of them. Ron and Hermione noticed his eyes looked at her just a bit longer than anyone else, but they didn't say anything.

The screen turned black and a voice they didn't recognize said, "Hello everyone! I summoned you here to watch this video I found a few days ago. Enjoy!"

The screen changed, starting some sort of video.

"Looks like we're stuck here. May as well get comfortable." Harry said, sitting down next to Hermione. He noticed Ron's arm was around her. Apparently Lavender did, too, because she walked over and sat right on Ron's lap.

"Lavender, get off!" Ron said angrily, pushing her off with his free hand. She got up, sat on the arm rest of the couch, and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at the screen. By this time, everyone had taken a seat and was watching the opening credits.

"Well, here we go." Harry muttered to himself.

And the clip began.

**It gets better. My beginnings are always a bit odd. Review please!**


	2. A Very Potter Musical Act 1 Part 1

**Hi again!**

**Wow! I'm glad so many people like my story already! I would've updated sooner, but I was camping and didn't have internet connection.**

**I suggest if you haven't seen A Very Potter Musical and Sequel you watch it before or while reading this. It'll be much better and make more sense.**

**I've decided to add most of the characters in now. It makes everything alot better.**

A Very Potter Musical, Act 1 Part 1

The clip paused, and everyone sat there, confused.

A huge cloud of smoke appeared again as the scene paused on its own. Behind it was Fred, George, Lupin, Sirius, Snape, Dumbledore, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Dean and Seamus stood there, confused.

"Where are we?" Seamus asked.

"Somewhere in Hogwarts, I suppose. There's no way out. We have to stay here and watch this." Harry said, pointing to the screen.

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"I guess it has something to do with all of us. C'mon, sit down."

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley took a couch near Ron, Hermione, and Harry's, which was being expanded by Fred, George, Harry, Dean and Seamus to fit all seven of them. Lupin and Sirius took another couch across from Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle. Molly looked over at Ron and Hermione and smiled.

The clip resumed, and everyone watched intently.

_The scene started on a dark stage and a boy with curly black hair and glasses. He was wearing a Hogwarts uniform with a Gryffindor tie._

"Is that suppose to be _me_?" Harry asked. A few people laughed.

_He kept crossing his arms over his chest as if he was cold. Then he started to sing._

**Harry: Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt.**

**Can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lightning scar to know that they'll never ever give me what I want.**

A few people chuckled in the room. Harry stared at the screen, not showing any emotions.

**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive.**

**Can't take all of these Muggles, but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive.**

"Not all Muggles are bad Harry..." Hermione said.

"I didn't say it. Musical Harry did." he said, pointing at the boy on the screen.

**I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man it's September and I'm skippin' this town.**

_He started to sing louder and louder._

**Hey it's no mystery, there's nothin' here for me now.**

_Musical Harry stood up as he held the last note out._

The real Harry braced himself for what was coming next.

**I gotta get back to Hogwarts! I gotta get back to schooool! I gotta get myself to Hogwarts. Where everybody knows I'm coooooool!**

Everyone except Draco, Crabbe and Goyle laughed at this.

"You? _Cool?_ Dream on, Potter." Draco said.

Harry rolled his eyes and kept watching the clip.

**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts! To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts! It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts. I think I'm goin back.**

_Musical Harry laid his trunk down on the ground and sat on it._

**I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry, take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky  
NO WAY this year anyone's gonna die, and it's gonna be totally awesome!**

Almost everyone laughed.

"That's really confident Harry. Probably the most confident I've ever seen you." Ron said.

Harry just shook his head.

**I'll cast some spells, with a flick of my wand, ****defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!**  
**And do it all with my best friend Ron, 'cuz together we're totally awesome!**

_A boy with a red wig burst onto stage and pointed at the audience._

**Ron: Yeah and it's gonna be totally awesome!**

**"Did somebody say Ron Weasley?" the red head asked.**

Everyone laughed at the boy's appearance, and Ron noticed Hermione laughed slightly harder than anyone else. Ron folded his arms over his chest.

"Oh c'mon, Ron. It's not that bad." Hermione said, still laughing a little.

"Yeah, whatever..." he mumbled.

**"Hey what's up buddy!" Ron said happily, hugging Harry.**

Hermione smiled at the screen. Harry and Ron rarely did that.

**"Sorry it took me so long to get here. I had to go get some, uh... Floo Powder. But we gotta get goin. C'mon, grab your trunk, let's go." Ron said.**

**"Where are we going?" Harry asked.**

**"To Diagon Alley, of course!" Ron said.**

**"Cool!"**

**"C'mon!"**

**"Floo powder power! Floo powder power! Floo powder power! Floo powder power!" Harry and Ron chanted.**

A few people chuckled as Ron and Harry flung their arms around, looking foolish.

**Ron: It's been so long, but we're going back! Don't go for work, don't go there for class!**

**Harry: As long as we're together,**

**Ron: gonna kick some ass!**

"Ronald Weasley!" Mrs. Weasley scolded.

"It's not me! It's that guy!"

**Harry and Ron: and its gonna be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm**

Mrs. Weasley and Hermione both said something in protest.

"Not us!" Harry said.

**Hermione: But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs!**

**"God, Hermione, why do you have to be such a BUZZKILL?" Ron asked, annoyed.**

Hermione frowned, a bit hurt.

**"Because, guys! School's not all about having fun! We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards!" Hermione said.**

Harry and Ron looked at Hermione.

"Well...she's not wrong." Hermione said quietly.

**Hermione: I may be frumpy, but I'm super smart**

"I'm not frumpy!" Hermione exclaimed, and at the same time, Ginny said, "She's not frumpy!"

They looked at each other, and Hermione gave Ginny a small smile.

**Hermione: Check out my grades, they're "A's" for a start. W****hat I lack in looks well I make up in heart, ****and well guys, yeah, that's totally awesome.**

Hermione gave a small sigh. Ron looked at her, and knew she was taking it seriously. He wanted to make her feel better, but he didn't know what to say.

**Ron: That would be cool if you were actually hot!**

Hermione moved away from Ron, staring at the ground. He frowned.

_'Stupid Muggles...' _Ron thought to himself.

**Harry: Hey Ron, come on, we're the only friends that she's got!**

"No we're not!" Harry and Ron exclaimed.

**Ron: And that's cool...**

**Hermione: ...And that's totally awesome**

**Harry, Ron and Hermione: Yeah it's so cool, and it's totally awesome!**

"What's up with the stupid 'totally awesome' thing?" Malfoy asked.

A few people shrugged.

**Harry, Ron and Hermione: We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how...**

**We gotta get back to Hogwarts, we gotta get back to school. We gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magic-cooooool**

A few people laughed at the three as they sang and did a weird hand gesture.

**Everyone: Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts! To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts! It's all that I love, and it's all that I need at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!**

**Harry, Ron and Hermione: I think we're going back...**

The clip ended.

"Well that was...interesting." Harry said.

"And many more interesting clips to come. NEXT ONE!" George said.

* * *

**So what d'you guys think? It was hard for me to come up with this chapter... There's not really much to comment on. Review please!**


	3. A Very Potter Musical Act 1 Part 2

_A red-headed girl runs up to Harry, Ron and Hermione._

**Ginny: *****whining* Ronnn! You were suppose to take me to Madame Malkins and use those sickles mom gave you for my robe fitting!**

**Harry: Uhhh who's this?**

**Ron: Oh this is stupid little dumb sister Ginny. She's a freshman. Ginny this is Harry... Harry Potter, it's Harry Potter.**

"Hey! I'm not stupid or dumb!" Ginny says, and Hermione shakes her head in agreement, looking at Ron.

"It's that guy, not me!"

_Ginny shakes his hand in awe._

**Ginny: Oh! You're Harry Potter! You're the Boy Who Lived!**

**Harry: Yeah, and you're Ginny.**

**Ginny: It's Ginevra.**

**Harry: Cool, Ginny's fine.**

"I never acted like that!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Yes you did." Ron said.

"No I didn't!" she said, then looked at Harry.

"Well..." Harry said, shrugging.

Ginny huffed and looked back at the screen.

**Ron: Stupid sister! *claps hands together***

**Ginny: Ahhhh! *covers ears***

**Ron: Don't crowd the famous friend *puts his arm around Harry***

A few people laughed.

**Hermione: Do you guys hear music or something?**

**Harry: Music? What are you talking about?**

**Ron: Yeah someone's coming.**

**Cho's group: Cho Chang! Domo arigato! Cho Chang! Gong hey fat choy chang! Happy happy new year! Cho Chang!**

Almost everyone starts laughing at this. Cho blushes.

**Ginny: Oh, who's that?**

**Harry: That's Cho Chang.**

**Ron: That's the girl Harry's TOTALLY been in love with since freshman year.**

Ginny looked at Harry.

"Not any more Gin!" Harry said reassuringly.

**Hermione: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.**

**Ron: Yeah you never tell a girl you like them it just makes you look like an idiot.**

**Ginny: *hurrys over to Cho's possy and taps one of their shoulders* Konichiwa Cho Chang! *announciating her words* It is good to meet you! I am Gin-ny Weas-ley!**

**Girl: Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!**

**Ron: That's Lavender Brown! *claps hands***

**Ginny: AHHHH!**

**Ron: Racist sister!**

More laughter.

"What? I'm confused." Ron said.

"It's a joke, Ron. Ginny assumed Cho was oriental because of her name."

"But she is oriental."

"Not in this, Ron."

**Cho: *in a southern accent* Hey hey! It's all right! I'm Cho Chang, y'all.**

Alot of people start laughing at this.

**Harry: She is TOTALLY perfect!**

**Ron: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though.**

**Harry: What! Who the_ hell _is Cedric Diggory?**

_Cedric walks out and pushes Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny to the ground._

**Cedric: Cho Changgg! I am so in love...with Cho Changg! From bangcock to ding dang! I'll sing my love aloud...for Cho Changgg! *runs off stage with Cho***

A few people laughed. Cho looked like she was about to cry...or laugh.

**Harry: I HATE that guy! I HATE him!**

**Ron: So are we gonna get those robes or not?**

**Ginny: Okay, alright, let's go!**

**Ron: GOD SISTER!**

Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys all laughed at this.

"Brotherly sisterly love." George said.

_Boy walks onto stage wearing Gryffindor scarf. Bumps into two Slytherins._

**Crabbe: Present your arm, nerd!**

**Neville: Wh-wh-why...?**

**Crabbe: INDIAN BURN HEX!**

**Neville: *drops to his knees* Ahhhh!**

The Slytherins laughed, and Snape smirked.

**Ron: Ugh. Crabbe and Goyle.**

**Ginny: *crouches down by Neville* Oh! Are you okay? *helps him up***

"You were always the sweetest little girl, Ginny!" Mrs. Weasley said. Harry, Ron and Hermione laughed, while Ginny blushed.

**Harry: Hey why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?**

**Crabbe: Well well well, if it isn't _Harry Potter_. You think all because you're famous you can boss everyone around!**

"I do not!" Harry said.

"We know, Harry." Hermione said, patting his arm.

**Harry: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size picking on guys like Neville. Come on!**

Harry smiled. "I like my musical self."

**Crabbe: Well ya know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! BREAK! We HATE nerds!**

**Goyle: And GIRLS! *pointing at Hermione and Ginny***

The four of them glared at Crabbe and Goyle, who seemed to shrink a little under their eyes.

**Ron: Oh you've asked for it! You don't mess with Harry Potter! He beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby!**

"That doesn't make him invincible or anything..." Hermione said.

**Hermione: Alright, everyone just calm down! *walks over to Harry* Occulus Repairo!**

**Harry: *puts on glasses* Whoa! Cool!**

The trio laughs at this.

"Definitely have to remember that one." Harry said.

**Hermione: *links arms with Harry* Now let's leave these big, baby, childish jerks alone!**

**Harry: Yeah! *starts to walk away***

**Draco: *while walking out on stage* Did someone say Draco Malfoy?**

Everyone started laughing. Even Snape smirked. Everyone except Draco, who stayed with his arms crossed, glaring at the musical version of himself.

Ron fell on the floor, laughing harder than ever. "Draco...you're a girl!"

"Thanks for the news flash, Weasley." Draco sneered. "And it's the actor who plays me. I'm still a guy."

"You mean _actress_ who plays you?"

"...Shut up."

After a few minutes, everyone settled down.

**Harry: What do you want, Draco?**

**Draco: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of turtle doves and go pay for my robes, will you? *walks towards Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny* So, Potter! Back for another year at Hogwarts are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang with the higher caliber of wizard! *poses***

More laughter begins.

"Is this going to be another thing with you, Malfoy?" Ron asks.

**Harry: Listen, Draco. Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world and I wouldn't trade them for anything!**

**Ron: *pushes Ginny away***

"Aww thanks Harry!" Hermione said.

"Wouldn't trade you for anything, either, mate." Ron said.

"Great, great. Are you done with your little love fest now?" Draco said.

**Draco: Have it your way. Oh _wait!_ *points at Ginny* Don't tell me! Red hair, hand me down clothes, and a stupid complexion! You must be a Weasley!**

Draco recieved many glares. He cowered a little towards Crabbe and Goyle.

**Ron: Oh my god, lay off, Malfoy!**

"You're actually sticking up for me?" Ginny asked, suprised.

"Guess so."

**Ron: She may be a pain in the ass, okay? But she's _my _pain in the** **ass.**

"How sweet of you, Ron." Ginny said sarcastically.

"You're welcome." Ron said, smiling.

**Draco: Well isn't this cute! It's like a little loser family!**

More glares were thrown at Draco.

**Draco: Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!**

"What's Pigfarts?" Ron asked.

Everyone looked at Draco.

"Why are you all looking at me? I don't know what it is!"

**Draco: This year you bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career. It's gonna be totally awesome!**

"Oh great! I say that too?" Draco said.

**Draco: Look out world for the dawn of the day, where everyone will do, WHATEVER I SAY! And Potter won't be in my way! Then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"Hey! I already am totally awesome!" he said, looking at Crabbe.

"Yeah, you are totally awesome!" Crabbe said, nodding.

**Crabbe: Yeah you'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"They really do study their characters." Harry said, smirking.

***whistle***

**Hermione: Come on guys, we're gonna miss the train!**

**Everyone: Who knows how fast this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass let the Butterbeer flow!**

**Harry: Maybe at last... I'll talk to Cho!**

**Ron: Oh no that'd be way too awesome!**

**Everyone: We're back to learn everything that we can! It's great to come back to where we began! And here we are. And alacazam! Here we go this is totally awesome!**

"Wow, that's gonna get annoying fast..." Harry said.

Ron and Hermione nodded in agreement.

"And learn everything that we can? Psh, yeah right." Ron said, laughing.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at him.

"I mean, yeah! We come to learn everything that we can! Totally awesome!"

**Everyone: Come on and teach us everything you know! The summer's over and we're itchin to go!**

**Neville: I think we're ready for... Albus Dumbledore!**

**Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!**

**Dumbledore: Welcomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeee all of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school!**

Ron, Harry and Hermione chuckled at Dumbledore's appearance and how he acted, as did a few others.

**Dumbledore: Did you know that here at Hogwarts...we've got a hidden swimming pool?**

"Really?" Ginny asked, looking at the Headmaster.

"Not that I know of. Maybe we do, though." he said.

**Dumbledore: Welcome welcome welcome Hogwarts! Welcome hotties, nerds and tools! Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, I'd like to go over just a couple of rules.**

**My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts! You can all call me... Dumbledore! I suppose you could also call me Albus if you want a detention. Just kidding! I'll expell ya if ya call me Albus.**

"You really think he would?" George whispered to Fred.

"Dunno...write it on the list of things to do." Fred whispered back, and George nodded.

**Everyone: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts! To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts! It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts. Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends! To Gryffindor! Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw! Slytherin! Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**Dumbledore: I'm sorry, what's its name?**

**Everyone: Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**Dumbledore: I didn't hear you kids!**

**Everyone: Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**Harry: Man, I'm glad I'm back!**

"Let's start the next clip." Hermione said.

"Wait!" Ron said. He leaned forward, grabbed some snacks, and sat back. He opened a bag of Red Vines stuck one in his mouth, then looked at Hermione.

"Okay, I'm ready." he said.

She rolled her eyes and started the next clip.

* * *

**Sorry updates are so slow guys... Red Vines! xD R&R please!**


	4. A Very Potter Musical Act 1 Part 3

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update! I got a lead in a musical last month, and I've been really preoccupied with that. I'm trying, guys. I really am.**

* * *

**Dumbledore: Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! ****And a very special welcome back to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter.**

**Gryffindors: *cheering***

"I don't have favorite students."

"Well, if you did, Potter would be on the top of your list, now wouldn't he?" Snape said, glaring at Harry.

**Dumbledore: ****He defeated Voldemort when he was just a baby, and he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it. ****And also another special welcome to the newest addition of Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny-**

"Mister?!" Ginny asked, her face going red.

**********Dumbledore: ************Excuse me, Miss Ginny Weasley!**

"Yeah, I'm a girl, not a guy!"

Harry patted her on the shoulder. "It's okay, Gin."

**********************Ginny: Yeah, I'm a girl...**

"We've established that." Fred said.

**Ginny: And, um, aren't I suppose to be sorted by the, uh, Sorting Hat?**

**Dumbledore: Well, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted, magical clothing.**

"How many pieces of magical clothing are there?" Harry asked

"More than you'd think." Dumbledore said.

**Dumbledore: So he and the scarf of sexual preference aren't going to be back until next year.**

"Do we really have one of those?" Harry asked.

"We should get one if we don't!" Ron said.

"Write it on the list, Freddie!" George exclaimed, pulling out a roll of parchment that, when rolled out, fell to the floor and all the way to the screen.

Hermione rolled her eyes at them all.

**Dumbledore: Basically, I've just been putting anyone that looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin-**

"Hey!"

"We're not evil. We're just more clever and cunning than most of these ignorant children, and they take the things we say about them rather offensively." Snape said curtly.

"Well, I wonder why." Ron said sarcastically.

**Dumbledore: And the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I really don't care.**

**Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders!**

The kids started laughing.

"_What?_" Ron asked, laughing and looking at the others. They laughed and shook their heads.

**Dumbledore: What the _hell _is a Hufflepuff?**

More laughter.

"Well that's a coin in the swear jar!" Fred joked, looking at Dumbledore.

**Cedric: *smiles and sits down***

**Dumbledore: Anyways, now it's time for me to introduce my very good friend, and our very own Potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape!**

**Ron: Aw, man! Not Snape! I'd hoped they'd fired that guy!**

"Thank you, Mr. Weasley." Snape said, glaring at him. Ron sunk a little.

**Ginny: Why? What's wrong with Snape?**

**Ron: Uh, nothing, he's just EVIL!**

"I am _not _evil. 10 points from Gryffindor."

When he turned back to the screen, Ron's mouth gaped open, and he held his arms out towards him, exasperated. He then made a rude hand gesture to his back.

"Ron!" Hermione said, smacking his hand down.

"RONALD BILLIUS WEASLEY!" Molly exclaimed.

"Uhh...oh look, the musical!" Ron said, trying to avoid his angry mum.

**Snape: *walks out on stage***

Everyone started laughing, except Snape. Ron, Harry, and a few others actually fell on the floor because they were laughing so hard.

"You look _ridiculous!_" Ron cried, holding his stomach as he laughed.

Snape scowled. _'Ignorant Muggles...' _he thought to himself.

**Harry: Come on, Ron, I mean, he's not really that bad. I don't know what you're talking about.**

Ron looked at Harry as if he were mad, and Snape gave Harry an odd look. Harry just stared strangely at the screen.

**Snape: *in an odd, drawling voice* Harry Potteerrrr!**

Everyone started laughing again.

"His voice is ridiculous too!"

Snape glared at them all.

**Snape: Detention!**

"What!" Harry said.

"He didn't even do anything!" Ron added.

**Harry: What?!**

**Snape: For talking out of turn!**

"Only Snape..."

**Snape: Now before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very first..._pop quiz_."**

**Everyone: *groans***

**Hermione: Yesss!**

Hermione shook her head.

**Snape: Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is?**

**Hermione: Oooh! Oooh! Ooooh! *waving her hand frantically***

**Snape: Oh, yes, Miss Granger?**

"Wow, he actually called on her. That never really happens." Ron said.

**Hermione: *talking fast* A portkey is a magic object that when touched by a person or its enchanter will take them anywhere in the world the enchanter has set it to.**

"Wow, Mione, you talk REALLY fast!"

"Yeah, I've noticed."

**Snape: Oh very goooood!**

"That's DEFINITELY not the real Snape."

**Snape: Now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is?**

"That's not even related to magic... What is it?"

"I think we're about to find out."

**Snape: Ah, yes, Miss Granger?**

**Hermione: *talking fast* Foreshadowing is...**_((A/N- You get the idea. She talks too fast for me to get what she says typed XD)) _

**Snape: Uh, perfect!**_  
_

**Ron: *eating* What was a Portkey again? I missed that one.**

**Hermione: A Portkey is...**

**Ron: Not you, oh my God.**

Hermione moved a little further away from him, hurt slightly.

**Snape: And remember a Portkey can be any sort of simple, harmless object. For example...a football, or...a dolphin.**

**Ravenclaw: Professor, can, like, a person be a Portkey?**

**Snape: Oh, no, that's absurd! Because then if a person were to touch themself *looks pointedly at Ron***

All the kids started laughing except Ron.

"Why are you looking at ME?!" he asked.

"Oh, Ron. We all know why THAT is." Fred said, still laughing.

Ron crossed his arms over his chest and went red in the face, partially from being mad, but mostly from embarrassment.

**Ron: *looks at Snape, like he doesn't know what he's talking about***

"Look at Ginny in the backround!" George said.

"She's laughing as hard as the real one!" Fred said.

They all looked at Ginny, who was laughing so hard, she was starting to go red.

**Snape: They'd instantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux.**

**Harry: What's a Horcrux?**

"Yeah, what is a Horcrux?" Harry asked.

Snape and Dumbledore gave each other a look. Everyone else seemed to be staring at them.

**Snape: I'm not even going to tell you, Harry. You'll find out soon enough.**

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other, then everyone continued to stare at Snape and Dumbledore.

**Hermione: Professor, what's the point of this quiz?**

**Snape: Oh no no no point. No point in particular. Just general information everyone should know. Especially you. *points at the audience* Now moving right along. There are four houses in all. Gryffindor**

**Gryffindors****: *cheer***

**Ron: WOO!**

**Snape: Ravenclaw**

**Ravenclaws: OW!**

**Snape: Hufflepuff**

**Cedric: Find!**

**Snape: What?**

Some people started laughing.

"I FIND this very amusing." Harry said.

"Oh don't you start!" Ron said. "You're not even a Hufflepuff."

**Snape: ...And Slytherin.**

**Slytherins: YEAH!**

**Draco: Hahh! *raises hand in weird motion***

Draco shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

**Snape: Now traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. For example...10 points from Gryffindor!**

"What! We didn't do anything!" Ron objected.

"Oh so NOW it's we." Hermione said.

"Well, yeah. You didn't find that wrong of him?"

"I did, but I'm just saying. When something's bad it's the musical people doing it. When it's offensive to the people or good it's us."

"Would you two stop bickering? We're trying to watch this!" Harry said.

**Gryffindors: What!**

**Snape: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat.**

Hermione looked appalled at the screen, then at Snape. Ginny glared at him.

"Hey! She does NOT have excessive baby fat! Or baby fat at all for that matter!" Ron said angrily at Snape.

**Ron and Harry: *sarcastically* Thanks, Hermione!**

Hermione glared at both of them, looking as if she was about to slap them.

**Snape: Traditionally, the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year, we'll be doing things a bit differently. Here to present it is our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Quirrell.**

**Harry: Ow! Ow! Ow!**

**Hermione: Harry are you alright?**

***Quirrell walks in***

"He looks a bit...bulky."

"And it looks like there's another head under than turban..."

Harry knew why.

**Quirrell: The House Cup, a time honored tradition. For centuries...**

**Draco: Go home, terrorist!**

The kids started laughing, and Malfoy smirked.

"I should've said that."

"Yeah you should've!"

**Draco: *looks around pretending to be innocent, like he didn't know who said it***

**Quirrell: For centuries, the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from and where are the roots of the tradition?**

**Hermione: *raises hand* The House Cup began with the first generation of Hogwarts students.**

**Quirrell: That was a rhetorical question.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, quit interrupting! 20 points from Gryffindor!**

**Ron: *sarcastically* THANKS, Hermione.**

Hermione moved a little closer to Harry.

**Quirrell: Anyways, as I was saying, when the tournament first originated, it was one of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks and challenges. The winner would not only win the cup, but also eternal glory.**

"Isn't that like the Triwizard Tournament?" Hermione asked.

**Hermione: It's like a House Cup, er, no, like a Triwizard Tournament!**

"I knew it!"

**Quirrell: Yes, sort of like a Triwizard Tournament, except no, not like that at all! The four Houses each have their own team.**

"There was four teams a couple of years ago..."

**Hermione: Well, sir, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of the champions was killed during the first task.**

**Quirrell: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.**

"Someone _died_! Death is worth risking for some cup?" Hermione argued.

**Hermione: I- I don't think you heard me. Somebody _died_!**

**Dumbledore: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and stop interrupting! 20 more points!**

Hermione gaped at the screen, looking hurt and offended. Harry patted her shoulder and Ron put his hand on top of hers.

"That's not true. I promise." Ron whispered to her.

**Dumbledore: God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes, can't you?**

**Students: *laughing***

Hermione stared at the screen, then down at the ground.

**Dumbledore: Ah, 10 points to Dumbledore!**

**Quirrel: Yes, yes, while it will be very dangerous, you will also be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-**

**Back of turban: AH-CHOO!**

**"Did the back of his head sneeze?"**

**Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?**

**Quirrell: What? No!**

**Dumbledore: I could've sworn I heard a sneeze from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving.**

**Quirrell: No, that was simply a fart! Excuse me!**

A few kids started laughing.

"That was definitely a sneeze." Ron said.

**Back of turban: AH-CHOO!**

**Harry: Ahhh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh ow! Oh my god ow!**

**Back of turban: Ah-choo!**

**Quirrell: Simply a fart once more!**

**Dumbledore: So with the newly resurrected House Cup, one student from each House will be competing. Snape, would you do the honor?**

**Snape: Of course. The first will be from Ravenclaw. Ah Miss Cho Chang**

**Cho: Oh my god, I won! I can't believe it y'all!**

**Cho blushed at how she was portrayed on screen, embarrassed.**

**Snape: The next from Hufflepuff. Mr. Cedric Diggory.**

**Cedric: Well I don't FIND this surprising at all!**

"I FIND Cedric to be getting annoying." Ron said.

**Cho: This is great, so I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend**

**Cedric: I'm glad as well, my darling.**

**Harry: *looks disgusted***

**Snape: Our next champion from Slytherin. Draco Malfoy.**

**Draco: Ha! Ha! I finally beat you, didn't I, Potter! What do you think about that, huh? I'm the champion this time! *starts to roll on Harry's lap***

"What the heck are you _doing_?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, it's kind of creepy." Harry said.

"Don't ask me! I'm not the one who came up with this!

**Harry: *pushes him off***

**Dumbledore: Malfoy, sit down ya little shit! Champion's just a title!**

**Draco: *does jazz hands***

"Wow, Malfoy. You must think you're reallyyy something."

**Snape: And finally, from the Gryffindor House. Oh my, well isn't this curious? The one person at Hogwarts that I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life.**

**Neville: If it's me I apologize now to my fellow Gryffindors for losing.**

Neville went red.

**Snape: Sit down, you inarticulate bumble. It's Harry Potter.**

"Of course it is." Draco said, scowling.

**Ron: WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!**

"A bit overexcited there, aren't you, Ronniekins?" Fred asked.

Ron scowled at his nickname.

**Dumbledore: Well here they are, folks! The four Hogwarts champions! I want all of you to start preparing _immediately _because the first task is in two months, and you need to be ready. So let's get to it!**

**Cho's posse: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!**

**Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy! Malfoy! Malfoy!**

"Well that was...interesting."

"Someone start the next clip!"

* * *

**Again, sorry it took so long to update. Please review!**


	5. A Very Potter Musical Act 1 Part 4

**Sorry the updates take so long. I've been really busy lately. I have to learn and memorize about 10 guitar chords in a week... Yeah. And if that sounds easy to you, try doing that, and having to stay on top of school work and things too. But anyways, I found a better system on how to make updates faster, so it will get better! I promise!**

* * *

**Ron: Harry, you've got this tournament in the bag!**

**Harry: I don't know, man. That Cedric Diggory is pretty awesome- NOT! He sucks! We're totally gonna win! It's in the bag!**

"Conceited, much?" Malfoy mumbled to his cronies.

**Hermione: I don't know, Harry...**

**Ron: OH MY GOD. HERMIONE, SHUT UP.**

Hermione glared at him, looking as if she were about to slap him.

**Ron: Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?**

**Hermione: Because, _Ron_, this is dangerous!**

**Harry: Dangerous? Oh, c'mon, Hermione, how dangerous can it be? Especially for me.**

"You're not invincible!" Hermione said.

**Hermione: You're not invincible, Harry. Somebody _died_ in this tournament.**

Hermione crossed her arms and smiled, looking satisfied.

**Harry: Uhh, I'm the boy that LIVED not DIED!**

Most people laughed at this.

"He's got a point." Ron said, looking at Hermione, smirking slightly.

**Harry: What's the worst that could happen?**

**Hermione: And I'm not sure about that Quirrell character. You know, first he resurrects some horrible, ancient tournament. Then, he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt. And you have to admit, there is something really funky about the back of his head.**

The trio smirked at one another. They were some of the only people who got this.

**Harry: Come on, Professor Quirrell is a professor. And who hires the professors?**

**Harry and Ron: Dumbledore!**

**Harry: And who's the smartest, most awesomest, most practical-**

**Ron: -beautiful**

**Harry: Beautiful wizard in the whole world! Why would he possibly hire someone that's trying to hurt me?**

**Hermione: Yeah, well, what about Snape?**

**Harry: What about him?**

**Hermione: He's hated you for _years!_ And he hated your parents, too, Harry. Everybody knows that. And he-he just happens to pick your name out of the house cup out of hundreds, if not five, possible Gryffindors?**

**Harry: What a coincidence! We lucked out!**

Harry and Ron were laughing. Hermione was laughing and shaking her head.

**Hermione: No, Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort, you made _a lot _of enemies! Ones you might not even know about.**

**Harry: Okay, let me get this straight. So you're saying that this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me?**

**Hermione: Well, I mean, I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it.**

"Oh Hermione. Always caring about her friends' well being." Harry said, smiling.

**Harry: Alright, Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out.**

**Hermione: Oh, thank you Harry!**

**Ron: Wait, wait. WHAT?! The house cup?! What about eternal glory you would win? Come on!**

"Yeah, like I need to be more famous." Harry said, shaking his head.

**Harry: Hey, hey, hey. Eternal glory? Already got that.**

Harry nodded.

**Harry: Besides, Neville will be a great champion!**

**Ron: No, no, no, NO! I do not want Shlongbottom to be my champion!**

Luna patted Neville's back as he looked at the ground for a few seconds.

**Hermione: Harry, all you have to do- oh look! There's Dumbledore! Talk to him now and tell him that you're dropping out.**

**Harry: Um... Hey, listen, Hermione. Dumbledore and I are really, really cool, we're super tight...**

"Tight? As in someone saying something is too tight?"

"No, Ron. 'Tight' is American slang for 'cool'." Hermione explained.

"Oh."

"Hey have you guys noticed how almost none of them are speaking with British accents?" Ginny asked.

Everyone nodded, and a few people gave remarks about it.

**Harry:...So I don't want him to think I'm being lazy or disrespectful or anything, so could you just- Why don't you tell him? Just tell him I need to work on school or something, alright?**

"He's just using me to get out of doing his dirty work! There is no way I'm going to fall for that!" Hermione said.

**Hermione: Okay.**

**Harry: Hey, you got this one! You're the best!**

**Hermione: Yeah. Alright... Dumbledore!**

"I can't believe I fell for that!"

"Hermione, haven't you noticed how easily you cave for Harry and Ron? Don't you know how many essays and things you've done for them? It would be hard for me to believe if you hadn't done it!" Fred said.

Hermione stared darkly at the screen.

**Dumbledore****: Yes, Granger?**

**Hermione: Uh, I need to talk to you for a moment about the House Cup Tournament. Um, well first of all, I think it's an awful idea, but, um, secondly of all, I don't think Harry Potter should compete.**

**Dumbledore: Granger, why do you always gotta be such a big ol' stick in the mud? Huh?**

Ron rubbed Hermione's arm, seeing her face fall briefly.

**Dumbledore: Pray, tell me why Harry Potter should not compete?**

**Hermione: Because...he...wants to study!**

**Dumbledore: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you!**

**Hermione: Uh, okay, well, he, uh… wants to focus on the O.W.L.s!**

**Dumbledore: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself, hmm? He thinks I'm cool. We're tight.**

**Hermione: Professor, I'm a really bad liar. I think it's a ruse. A setup. And I even think Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.**

"Ten points from Gryffindor." Snape said.

"For what?!" Ron said angrily.

"For Miss Granger making false accusations without real evidence."

"It's not even really her!" Ron argued.

"It's alright, Ron..." Hermione said, patting his hand.

Lavender became angry yet again.

"I love you, Won-Won." she said, taking his hand and leaning towards him, lips pursed.

Ron put a hand over her face and pushed her back to her upright sitting position, letting go of her hand.

"Won-Won!"

Ron cleared his voice, moving slightly away from her and a little closer to Hermione. She smiled slightly as she felt her knee touch Ron's.

**Dumbledore: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met! Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just as much as he's trying to kill me!**

_Snape walks on stage carrying something hidden beneath his cloak._

**Snape: Oh why, Professor Dumbledore! I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich.**

_Snape pulls back his cloak to reveal a bomb in a sandwich._

**Dumbledore: Oh! Why, thank you, Severus! You see, Granger? How thoughtful!**

**The kids laughed.**

**"Yeah, that's definitely thoughtful. A delicious sandwitch with a bit of a...BANG...in it." George said, and he and Fred laughed.**

_Snape hands him the sandwich._

**Snape: Here you are, professor. BOMB appetite. Oops. I mean bone appetite.**

_S__nape presses several buttons on the bomb and runs away. The sandwich starts to tick faster and faster._

**Hermione: Um, is that sandwich ticking?!**

**Dumbledore: It looks like it's licking. Finger-licking good!**

**Hermione: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich!**

**Dumbledore: Why, Granger? You outta listen to Snape more often. You might even get a sandwich outta it.**

"If we ever got a sandwich from Snape, I'm sure it'd be one infused with Drought of the Living Death." Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione, and they all chuckled.****

_At this point Hermione grabs the sandwich out of Dumbledore's hands and runs stage right with it._****

Dumbledore: Granger, what the hell? Granger, what are you doing?

"You know, just saving your life." Hermione said casually.****

_Hermione hands it to someone offstage, where the sandwich explodes._****

Dumbledore: You darn gone and exploded my sandwich!

_Hermione runs back to Dumbledore._****

Hermione: I'm sorry, sir!

**Dumbledore: Listen, even if I did believe Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete. You see that Cup?**

**Hermione: Yes.**

**Dumbledore: It's enchanted. Whoever's name come out of that cup has to compete or the results would be... bad.**

**Hermione: What do you mean bad?**

**Dumbledore: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.**

**Hermione: Total pro tonic reversal!**

**Dumbledore: Yeah. So you see, he has to compete. And Hermione, if it makes you feel any better the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff. So, I'll keep my eyes open and nothing's gonna get past old Dumbledore.**

**Hermione: Alright. **

**Dumbledore: Now I gotta go make myself another sandwich! Although I don't know how it's gonna be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!**

"It was a bomb..." Hermione said, shaking her head.****

_Dumbledore exits._****

Hermione: (_to herself_) Because it was a bomb! (to Harry) Harry, I'm so sorry, but I think you're gonna have to compete in the House Cup Tournament. But don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what the first task is gonna be.

**Ron: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.**

**Hermione raised her eye brows at Ron.**

**"It's not me!... But that does sound fun..." Ron said, staring into space as he said the last part, smiling slightly.**

**Harry: Alright. You guys are awesome.**

_Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle enter. Goyle is carrying Malfoy._

All the kids but Malfoy and his cronies laughed.****

Malfoy: Well. Isn't this touching?

**Ron: Oh my God just butt out, Malfoy.**

_Goyle tries to put Malfoy down but Malfoy falls onto the floor. He will continue to roll around on the floor for awhile to make it seem like he did this on purpose._****

Malfoy: Goyle and I have a bet, you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I say you wouldn't last five minutes at Pigfarts!

**Harry: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?**

"Yeah, what is Pigfarts?" Harry asked.

Ron and Hermione shrugged.

**Malfoy: Oh! Never heard of it? Ha! Figures. Famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts!**

**Harry: Malfoy, don't act like you don't want to talk about it. This is like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts. What is Pigfarts?**

_Malfoy is standing by now._****

Malfoy: Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year.

**Hermione: Malfoy, I've never heard of that.**

**Malfoy: That's because Pigfarts… is on Mars!**

Everyone laughed, and Draco shook his head, putting his hands over his face.

**Harry: Alright, you know what? We're trying to have a conversation here so if you could just leave us alone-**

**Malfoy: Oh, no. I'm not even here.**

**Harry: (in a hushed tone) Okay, so, I think we can find out what the first task is if we ask Dumbledore-**

**Malfoy: Dumbledore? Pff! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar!**

**Goyle: ****RUMBLEROAR!**

"So much for not being there..." Fred said.

**Harry: Anyways, as I was saying-**

**Malfoy: Rumbleroar's the headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion, who can talk.**

**Harry: Malfoy, if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here so- wait what are you even doing here? Get outta here.**

**Malfoy: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say. We're the only ones in here.**

**Harry: Come on, Malfoy; just get out of here, please?**

**Malfoy: Where are we supposed to go?**

**Harry: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts.**

The trio laughed.

**Malfoy: Oh ha. Oh, now you're just being cute. I can't go to Pigfarts. IT'S ON MARS. You need a rocket ship. (_Struts over to Harry_) Do you have a rocket ship, Potter? I bet you do. (H_e crawls between where Harry and Ron are sitting and falls to the floor again_) You know not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died! Look at this! Look at this! It's Rocket-ship Potter. Starkid Potter. Moon-shoes Potter. Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts! (_He gets up_)**

**Harry: Alright, that's it. This is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me, (_he gets up towards Malfoy_) but if you bring my parents into this it's a whole other story.**

**Malfoy: (_runs and hides behind stage left bench_) Whoa! Not so fast, Potter! Oh crap! Goyle!**

**"Yeah, he's all talk, but when the person goes to defend themselves..."**

_Goyle advances on Harry, arms raised. Harry and Ron cower around the bench while Hermione remains standing._****

Goyle: BACK OFF, NERD!

**Malfoy: (_hanging off the bottom of the bench_) Not so tough are you now, Potter! Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend!**

Hermione went red and looked at the ground.

Ron went red as well, but he looked at Malfoy, looking as if he could spit venom he was so mad. "Don't you _ever _call her that. Got it, Malfoy? The M word, I mean... But I'm not saying she's my... It's not like it would be a bad thing... I mean... Erm..." he said in a low voice, at first, then just lost his anger, becoming more embarrassed and flustered, getting redder and redder.

All of the people around them but Snape, Malfoy and his cronies, and Lavender were smirking at the two of them, who were both looking away from each other, still red.

**Hermione: Oh, that is it, Malfoy! (_She makes a motion with her wand_) Jelly-legs jinx!**

**Malfoy: Oh, come on!**

**Goyle: Hey, no fair! Our legs are jelly!**

_Hermione runs over and grabs Malfoy by the necktie while Crab and Goyle fall on their backs with their legs wobbling._****

Hermione: Now, take it back, Malfoy!

**Malfoy: Take what back?**

**Hermione: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!**

**Ron: And all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend. That's not even a little bit true.**

Hermione bit her lip and looked at the ground again. Ron felt a twinge of pain, and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

**Hermione: And say you're sorry for calling me a 'you-know-what'!**

**Malfoy: Alright! I'm sorry!**

**Hermione: And you promise you'll never do it again?**

**Malfoy: I promise!**

**Hermione: Alright! (_She drops him_) Now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it! Come on, Harry. Ron. Let's get out of here.**

**Harry: Wow. Thanks, Hermione.**

**Hermione: Yeah (_she points at Crabbe and Goyle with her wand_) Unjellify!**

_The jinx on Crabbe and Goyle is broken. Harry, Ron and Hermione leave._****

Ron: (_As they walk off_) Wow. That was like the most bad ass thing I've ever seen! Too bad no one was here to see it though. It was like an outburst of pent up aggression you were just like 'Ahhhh!'

"Just like third year..." Harry said, smiling slightly.

"What happened third year?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"Um..."****

_Crabbe and Goyle get up._****

Goyle: Wow. That sucked royal hippogriff! We got beat by a girl! Who is a nerd!

**Malfoy: I meant what I said you know. Pigfarts is real. (_He puts his hand to his nose to check for blood_) Am I- Am I bleeding? Goyle.**

_Goyle runs over close to Malfoy's face._****

Goyle: *Sniffs* No. (_He gets up_)

**A few people laughed, and others looked slightly disgusted.**

**Malfoy: (_quietly_) I thought maybe... maybe just a little bit… (_Normally_) Wow. I've never been pushed down like that by a girl… Maybe I shouldn't call her a mud-… whatever. (_He gets up_)**

**"Aw, having a change of heart, Malfoy?" Harry said.**

**Draco sneered at him.**

**Goyle: (_to Crabbe_) I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just unjellify!**

_Crabbe shakes his head in disapproval._  
**  
Malfoy: Right. Well, I'm not surprised. Come on. Let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place!**

"What's that?" Fred asked.

"Probably some Muggle thing."****

_They all walk off after Malfoy. Lights down._


	6. A Very Potter Musical Act 1 Part 5

_Lights up. Quirrell and Voldemort enter. The stage is set with a block-bench and a chair with robes hung over the top._

**Quirrell: (_talking to the audience_) Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe. They think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses. Or, should I say, on the back of their heads…**

_Quirrell rotates to put his back to the audience. He pulls off the turban to reveal Voldemort, who laughs evilly, then coughs. Quirrell puts his turban on the chair._

"What the...?" someone said.

"Voldemort was on the back of Quirrell's head?" Dean asked.

"Yes!" Fred said, giving George a high five.

"Why'd you just high five?" Harry asked.

"Well, when Quirrell was working here in your first year, we charmed snowballs to hit Quirrell in the back of his turban. So..." Fred explained.

"We were really hitting Voldemort in the face, without even realizing it!" George finished.

The kids all laughed, and Molly shook her head.

**Voldemort: Ugh! I can't breathe in that damn turban!**

**Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord. It's a necessary precaution. For if they knew that you lived- that when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on-**

**Voldemort: Yes! That when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forrest, eating bugs, and mushrooms, and, ugh! Unicorn blood!**

**Quirrell: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.**

**Voldemort: Yes. Nobody must know any of that. Now, Quirrell! Get me some water!**

"This should be interesting..."

_Quirrell bends over and grabs a bottle of water._

**Voldemort: Now Quirrell! Pour it in my mouth!**

_Quirrell uncaps the bottle and speaks while pouring the water in his mouth._

**Quirrell: Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly, my liege!**

**Voldemort: Yes, yes, I'm done with the water! We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall! **

**Quirrell: I'm sorry, my Lord, you sneezed!**

**Voldemort: I know that... Get me some Nasonex, you swine!**

_Quirrell shoots some Nasonex into Voldemort's nose, then some into his own._

"... Voldemort has a nose..." George said.

Everyone realized this, staring at him.

**Voldemort: Wash that turban! It tickles my nose.**

**Quirrell: Yes my Dark King-**

**Voldemort: Okay, just... relax with the Dark Kings, okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call me Voldemort. We're there. We've reached that point.**

"Well that's awkward..."

**Quirrell: Yes, yes, my… Voldemort.**

**Voldemort: Mmm. Now, Quirrell… Get us ready for bed.**

_Quirrell begins getting ready for bed._

**Voldemort: We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight, in the Great Hall, he was so close! I could have touched him.**** Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it! It tastes like… cool mint.**

**Quirrell: That's our Listerine, Voldemort.**

"Listerine?"

"It's a type of mouthwash," Hermione said. "It's a dental thing. My parents recommend it to their patients."

* * *

**Okay, I couldn't think of anything else for them to say for the rest of the video. This story is going to take awhile to be done, if I do all three musicals... On the other hand, I'm writing a new story, currently, but it's not Harry Potter. It's about Starfire and Robin from Teen Titans. So I'm excited about that, and I hope some of you read it whenever I post it! :)**


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